I had a difficult birth experience.
It seems so long ago now, and in more ways than just time.
It wasn’t until months afterwards that I began to put all the pieces together, learning, unpacking, trying to understand why the outcomes of my baby’s birth did not make sense. It was afterwards when I faced the regret of not knowing, of not understanding and not exploring. Afterwards was when I wished I had known more.
And this is why I have developed into this particular type of doula, one who knows how it feels to have made unexamined choices. This is why my greatest wish for women isn’t a particular type of birth, but a birth you can feel is your own. Even if your birth takes twists and turns to a place that isn’t wanted, it can still be understood why you are there.
Helping women carve out a space for themselves to listen to their own voice - to explore and discover their own needs - has become an integral part of the work I do. When I was having my own baby I didn’t realise how noisy the world of waiting for birth was. I took it as normal that everyone would have opinions about what I should do and how I should do it. I surrounded myself with people who didn’t show me that my voice mattered. And that is so far from how it should be.
So I have found myself here as the years have passed, providing space for women to hear their own voices. These voices are wise, because deep down you know what you want. You might not know how to get there yet, but your voice is strong and loud - you are just waiting on all the noise to quieten so that you can be heard.
Each and every day, I’m walking beside women as they let out their voice and their desires. If you want help to tune into yours, send me a message so we can find the right pathway for you. You deserve it
Your birth matters, but your hopes for your birth matter too. The planning, the preparation, the research you’ve done, all of it has been so important as you’ve unfolded your desires, moved through your fears, envisioned the way you will welcome your babe.
If the twists and turns of your birth brought you to a place you didn’t want to be, your feelings about that matter, just as your love for your baby matters and all the hopes, plans and preparation you did still matters so much.
Every little bit of work you did made a difference. Trust you did your best, trust you are wise and go gently on yourself as you mother your new babe. You matter.
Have you just found out you’re pregnant, but every time you think about birthing this baby your heart sinks?
Are you excited about the pregnancy, but terrified about giving birth?
If your previous birth was difficult or traumatic – and probably still fresh in your mind like it was yesterday – it isn’t uncommon to feel this way. Many women feel frightened about birthing again after a difficult experience. You might have so many questions: Will it be like last time? Should I just do the same thing again, with the same care-provider, and hope it will be better?
Or do I want something different?
Perhaps you push those thoughts away altogether because it is simply too frightening and overwhelming to contemplate. Maybe you haven’t even given yourself the space to think about your previous birth, because you’ve been urged so many times to be grateful for your baby.
The majority of women I work with have previously had unwelcome birth outcomes or traumatic experiences. They come to me because they decide that this time, they want something different. They want to discuss and understand what happened in their previous birth. For this pregnancy, they have chosen to seek knowledge, confidence and loving support. They want someone who understands that they both love their baby and feel disappointed about their birth. They want to know that if they ever feel like giving up, there will be someone there for them, reminding them they are worth it.
During your pregnancy, preparation and clarity takes work – but it isn’t work you have to do alone. It is done over time, and through conversations and sharing, questions and discussion, your understanding of your last birth and your desires and plans for your next one unfold naturally.
firstname.lastname@example.orgSo what might it feel like, to have a positive birth experience next time? Well, there’s no one right way; it is different for each woman. But one thing that is true of any woman who feels great about her birth is that she always felt that the choices were hers to make, no matter what happened – and that she was respected and believed in at all times. But not only that – by the end of her pregnancy, she also trusted and felt confident in her body:
“You helped me find healing around my previous experience, and a deep, intuitive level of trust in my own body and my baby to birth … you supported me to find my own strength so that I was never too afraid to go on.” – Heather
“It was from this position of knowledge, strength and determination that we were able to gently, calmly and beautifully bring our second born into our lives; a moment that we will treasure forever.” – Kay
When you tell me the story of your previous birth, I will listen. If you felt unsupported or scared, I believe you. When you want to know what options are available for you this time, I will talk about them with you. And if you are worried or afraid, I will comfort and support you.
If you have had a previously difficult birth and are pregnant again, and are ready to take the first step towards a better birth, get in touch and let’s talk about it.